First day at work and the boss has already fucked me on the table

Damn, dear Mia Molotov, if what you're telling us is true, forgive me for saying that you're a bit of a pig, well, not much at all, damn it, you're a real pig. The real pigs in companies like these get a pay raise, but not for their knowledge, no, they get a pay raise for how piggish they are to the boss, which in the end is what matters to have a good job, how you work... to the boss!!